Pregnant Again??

Man Oh Man! I think I am pregnant again. I usually get "Aunt Flo" around the 25th of each month. Last week around the 14th, I saw some blood. Not spotting, and definitely not AF. . . I looked up implantation bleeding and I am almost 100% sure that is what this is. I have been trying to use the Natural Family Planning method of birth control, but that is difficult to stick to, when you're a newlywed... and when your husbands a hottie like mine! hahaha.

I won't be able to take a test for about another week or so... but I can feel that I am. I am totally aware of my uterus... if that makes any sense at all. And the description of implantation bleeding is EXACTLY what I experienced.

So, I don't know how I feel about this. I honestly think that if I take the test and it comes out that I'm not preggers, I will be upset so I guess that means I am happy about all of this. Me and my husband do want a big family, so I guess its never too early to start that! I am honestly really happy that I wont be super-huge in the summertime like last year! And the Pastor at my church's wife is pregnant right now, so there would be someone close to this baby's age!

I'm already thinking of names!!!

For a little boy, I like Caleb and Adam.

For a little girl, I have no idea. I change so much. Hopefully it is a boy though! I looooove having a little boy!

Oh goodness I am just going on and on. I am a little bit worried about money. But, I know that God will provide for us. I just know He will! He always has!!

So all in all, I think I am pregnant and I am excited about it! :)

Month Wrap-Up

I cannot believe I haven't updated in a month! I am usually not this sporadic... but I guess thats what happens when you have a 6 month old! It is incredible to think that my precious little boy is already 6 months old!

This month has been a bit long because I have been getting less sleep. We have stopped swaddling Anthony, cold turkey. He had been making it his mission to escape from his swaddler, and had been becoming more and more successful at doing so. One day, I hid the swaddler from myself so I couldn't rely on it to get him to sleep anymore. It was a rough first couple of days, but he is now doing much better. He still wakes up for his binki throughout the night, but he can now sleep 5+ hours unswaddled! Now, we just need to get him to sleep through the night!

My mother in law came up for Easter. I like my mother in law... I really do. I'm not sure how she feels about me. I think because me and Ian had such a short engagement (a little over a month), and moved 6 hours away right after we got married, she always looked at me as someone who stole her son. But, I think she is more and more used to the idea of us being married (she better be! we are going on 2 years!) . We get along. I hear mother in law horror stories, and I am so glad she is normal. Hahaha. She is very respectful of our decisions on how to raise Anthony, she even asked if we were going to teach him about the Easter bunny (the answer? no way.) so she knows whether or not to do that or not.

Anyway, we decided to make Easter dinner and I was very very nervous because when I told her I wanted to make ham in the crock pot she looked at me like I had 22 heads! But, it turned out DELICIOUS!! She actually described it as "heavenly". hahaha. I was very happy about that.

In other news, we just became members of a new church and I am so excited about it. They are a good, Bible based church and that is very difficult to find in New England. It is such a liberal part of the country desperate for Biblical truth. Anyway, it is a small church, somewhere we can really get involved and form lasting relationships. The pastor and his wife are around our age, and they have a 2 years old son. Her and I have gotten together with the kids a few times, and she is just lovely. And real. We have a lot in common and I am so glad to have found another Christian mommy to hang out with!

Anyway, that is about all! My husband and I have put our "get out of debt" plan in to action. It should take us 18 months. We just need to stay focused!

Debt

Debt stinks. It is the reason why we shouldn't have another child yet. Debt. Its the reason why we cant buy a house, or go on vacation. Its the reason why my husband is working like a dog, clocking in 70+ hours a week. Its the reason why we are crammed in to a tiny 3rd floor apartment that sits across the street from a graffiti covered liquor store. Because we are buried in debt. Most of it student loans. It is terrible, and weighing heavily.

Lord Jesus, please PLEASE help us pay this debt off. Please help us sacrifice and keep a good attitude through all of this. Help us to stay on the same page, and continue to support each other.

Hormones?

Am I going crazy?? I want to have another baby! I have a 5 month old little boy, and I want another baby. What is wrong with me? The only thing holding us back is money. It is really tight right now, and adding another child to the mix would not be the best idea in the world. But, we are also Christians and believe that God is the author of life and if He blessed us with another child, He would surely help us provide for that child. I want another baby. Right now we are using natural family planning as our method of birth control. I use fertilityfriend.com, which is AWESOME. I am learning so much about my body and I feel so good about not popping a pill and wondering if it is causing an abortion. I just hope it works.

The funny thing is, I did not enjoy being pregnant at all. AT ALL. I hated it. Maybe because I had a physical job and worked until I was 38 weeks, or because I was huge during the hottest months of the year? Or because my husband worked nights and I felt lonely? Could be any of those reasons. But I can tell you what I did like... I liked having cravings. I liked my hubby giving me much needed foot rubs (he still does it if I ask, but I don't really need them anymore). I liked people asking me how I was feeling and everything... and I liked being pregnant from months 5-7. Finding out whether it was a boy or girl was the best part! So exciting! :) *sigh.

whats wrong with me?

Whats for Dinner?

Roasted chicken is for dinner tonight! Ugh but I think I really messed it up. I accidently put paprika on it! So its a chicken with season salt and paprika. I have never put paprika on anything and only know what it tastes like because I licked some after I discovered my mistake!

Oh no, I hope its not the worst thing ever. :/ Either way, its getting eaten!

Confession

My confession today is this: I don't have many friends. The friends I have do not have children so it is really hard for us to relate to each other nowadays. All of my stories are about my little boy, and none of them are interesting to someone who does not have kids at all. I get lonely. My husband is fantastic. He is my best friend. But I am finding that I need a fellow mommy to connect with. It is difficult for me to make friends because I tend feel awkward in social situations. I'm terrible at small talk and I never know how to handle myself. I just get so nervous. I'm getting nervous just thinking about it all. I am praying for this. I miss sincere friendship.

Poop baby, POOP!

So my little man did not poop at ALL yesterday, but was trying with all of his might. When this morning rolled around, there was a little bit of poop in his diaper but not much, and he was still uncomfortable. :( It broke my heart. I put him in his pooping chair - which is actually his kicking coaster, but it is his favorite place to do his business. And he just turned red and held his breath and pushed to no avail. So I tried to give him some water, and he would have none of that. So then, I read that gently wiggling around a thermometer up his butt might do the trick. So I got ready. Got the vaseline, wipes, everything I thought I needed. I was just praying he didn't explode in my face. So I went to work. He was not a happy camper, but then I think he caught on to what I was trying to do, and he started pushing. Either that, or he was trying to get the thermometer out of his behind. Either way, out came the poop. Slowly, but surely. I was so excited, I started cheering him on! A LOT of poop came out, and it smelled just like bananas. Now I am so down on myself for giving him so much bananas the other day. He loved them, and he wanted more so I gave them to him! Ugh, no one told me that they would clog the little guy up. I have learned my lesson. Never bananas twice a day again!

This is one of those things I just can't discuss with people who do not have children, because they just don't understand the happiness, relief, and regret I have over this one situation! :)